NEIGHBORHOOD GARDEN FOR DECEMBER 25, 2016
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GOD AND LAWN CARE
AUTHOR UNKNOWN
(Many of us
have been very busy running around this holiday season. I thought it was
time for a little humor to brighten up the day. I don’t remember where I
found this but as a retired Hospital Chaplain I really liked this. I
also decided to print this in hopes that the gardeners who see
themselves in this will make a New Year’s Resolution to change their
lawn care practices. This next year
GO GREEN: RECYCLE WHAT YOU CAN,
DON’T PICK UP YOUR GRASS OR LEAVES, AND LIMIT THE AMOUNT OF CHEMICALS
YOU PUT IN THE LANDSCAPE. Have a Happy Holiday! George)
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GOD:
Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract
butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive to
temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing
there?
ST FRANCIS: Apparently so,
Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin
each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that
crops up in the lawn.
GOD: The spring rains and
warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the
Suburbanites happy.
ST FRANCIS: Apparently not,
Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it-sometimes twice a week.
GOD: They cut it? Do they
then bale it like hay?
ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly,
Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.
GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it
a cash crop? Do they sell it?
ST FRANCIS: No, Sir, just the
opposite. They pay to throw it away.
GOD: Now, let me get this
straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And, when it does grow,
they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
ST FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.
GOD: These Suburbanites must
be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the
heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.
ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going
to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag
out hoses and pay more money to water it, so they can continue to mow it
and pay to get rid of it.
GOD: What nonsense. At least
they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do
say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and
shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a
natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and
bushes. It's a natural cycle of life.
ST. FRANCIS: You better sit
down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the
leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled
away.
GOD: No!? What do they do to
protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist
and loose?
ST FRANCIS: After throwing
away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch.
They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.
GOD: And where do they get
this mulch?
ST FRANCIS: They cut down
trees and grind them up to make the mulch.
GOD: Enough! I don't want to
think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts.
What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?
ST. CATHERINE: 'Dumb and
Dumber', Lord. It's a story about....
GOD: Never mind, I think I
just heard the whole story from St. Francis.
Copyright 2016
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